I’m not sure I want [blank]. ‘cuz then I’d have to find a place to put it, get a box to hold it, lock it up when I’m gone, justify my keeping it even when I’m not using it, watch that it doesn’t get burned in a fire, buy insurance against it, pay taxes on it, make sure it doesn’t get stolen, clean it, decide each day whether I might want to trade it for something else, check to see whether some part of it has decayed and replace that, remember where I put it, remember not to sit on it, push it aside when the couch wants to go there and push it aside to the first place when the couch moves again, count it when I’m counting my things, give it to my girlfriend when she needs it and make sure she gives it back, watch the new ads to see if there’s a new coating to put on it, assess its value from time to time, categorize it, catalog it, wait for it to appreciate, wonder if it will ever stop depreciating, compare it to my neighbor’s, water it, test to see if it’s where that smell is coming from, remember the specs so I can tell others about it or decide when I need to upgrade it, know how to operate it, forget it when I actually need it, tell people not to buy it for me because I already have one, search around for the label that says where it was made and chastise myself because it’s not the right place, move it with me to the next apartment, hide it when my mom comes over, keep it warm, keep it dry…
On the other hand, it is pretty fuckin’ cool.